Sir Patrick Stewart is best known and beloved for playing a kind leader in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" or the "X-Men" films, but growing up, he didn’t have that kind of positive male role model.
In his new memoir, "Making It So," Stewart opens up about living in poverty with his abusive father, something with which he’s spent a lifetime struggling.
"It’s been a very therapeutic experience," Stewart told the Associated Press of writing the memoir. "I know that my therapist is one of the people who is most looking forward to the book. I know I’m going to be hearing, ‘Why didn’t you tell me this?’"
Stewart grew up in the town of Mirfield in Yorkshire, England, with no running water, refrigeration or toilet in his home.
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"When I was growing up, I never talked about my background because I was so embarrassed," Stewart told the New Yorker. "Our neighbors knew what my father could do and would do, and they were well aware of the shouting and yelling that he produced."
Stewart’s father had served in the British army for years, including in World War II, and suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which was commonly referred to as "shell shock" in those days.
However, the condition was not well understood or treated, and Stewart and his family experienced abuse at the hands of his father.
"Well, there was no PTSD back in the 1940s," he said. "So, my father was sick, and it was the sickness that made him lose control as he did. He was a weekend alcoholic. Friday evening, he began drinking, and that went through until Sunday evening. Those were the times when he was dangerous to be around."
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In an interview with The Guardian, Stewart said he understands that his father was struggling, but, "It’s not a get-out, but an understanding, yes."
He continued, "I always used to feel that my father and his violence is what had the biggest impact on my life. There have been times when I have been violent – rarely to other people and never to my children. But I can get angry. And it comes from my father."
Stewart also recalled trying, with his brothers, to convince his mother to leave their father when they were older.
"We said, ‘Mum, we want to get you out of that house, it’s so bad for you. We can buy you a house, we’d love to buy you a house. And you can be by yourself and have your own friends there, and there will be people to look after you,’" he told the outlet. "But she refused. She wouldn’t leave my father."
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Acting became a refuge for Stewart after being introduced to theater and Shakespeare by two teachers, Cecil Dormand and Ruth Wynn, to whom both the memoir is dedicated.
Eventually, he became a full-time member of the Royal Shakespeare Company before finding international fame as Captain Jean-Luc Picard on "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
In the role of the stern but caring leader of the Starship Enterprise, Stewart found his childhood experiences seeping into his performance as he began to reconcile his experiences.
"Both ‘Star Trek’ and therapy have been responsible for [reconciling what happened with his parents]," Stewart told Wired. "Having to open the doors into my childhood in order to be an actor became utterly intriguing to me in a way that it never had been before. And I regret that when I look back on some of the roles I played, what I might have brought to them if I just released myself a little bit more."
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In understanding his parents, Stewart told Wired, "My only regret is that I can’t tell him that’s what I’m doing, and thank my mother for her care and love and cherishment of me."
The "X-Men" star also opens up in the memoir about his past marriages and his relationships with his children, another area of his life that he looks back on with some remorse.
According to The Guardian, Stewart writes, "In a life chock-a-block with joy and success, my two failed marriages are my greatest regret."
The "Logan" star was married to his first wife, Sheila Falconer, from 1966 to 1990. The couple had two children, son Daniel and daughter Sophia.
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He later married Wendy Neuss, a producer on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," in 2000, but they divorced three years later.
Stewart told The Guardian that after his first divorce, he began self-medicating with alcohol and pills.
"I felt my life had lost its way," he told the outlet. "Sleeping pills, yes; alcohol, yes – they became a part of my life."
He continued, "But eventually I became able to deal with that. Again, that’s the advantage of beautiful therapy – that you can talk to someone. Of course, most of the time they say, ‘And how did that make you feel? What was that like?’"
The actor also admitted that his relationships with his children are strained, "a work in progress," as he told The Guardian.
"It’s very sad. I love my children. But our relationships, they haven’t worked out," he said, adding, "It will always be a place of sadness in my life."
Stewart has been happily married to his wife, Sunny Ozell, almost 40 years his junior, since 2013.
When asked on "CBS This Morning" why he thinks the relationship has been successful, Stewart said, "I think it’s being open and a good listener and to make connection. You don’t have to be exactly the same, but it’s necessary that you can share. I think it’s very important."
